Sixth Post!

[hoisinsauce]

"The thing about illegally breeding fire-breathing possums is that you gotta keep a bucket of water handy."

*Those fools! Fire-breathing possums are greasy; water will only feed the flames! Oh, if only I could tell them of my empire...*

(Context: https://secretfanspace.dreamwidth.org/1839.html?thread=2678831#cmt2678831)

Talk fandom! Making things! Reading, writing, drawing, whatever! Miscellaneous life chatter! Meme's happy to see you again!

(start a comment thread by replying to this post)

Comments

Re: Random Internet Misc

[(Anonymous)]

https://twitter.com/LittleHardman/status/1615612394150969346

Aside from spoiling the kid or whatever I feel like this is gonna be psychologically damaging, growing up in such an inauthentic environment (and it might encourage them to act out more in the hopes of seeing something genuine, which can't be a good pattern to set). Seems like it would be very disorientating.

Re: Random Internet Misc

[(Anonymous)]

sa

Imo it's the job of a toddler to have a complex inner fantasy world involving random household objects that requires them to be in a certain state, unknown to the parents. It's the job of parents to do normal stuff and violate those rules without meaning to, so that the toddler flips out, the parents react normally, and the toddler learns the boundaries of their own control and what's acceptable. I am sympathetic to this toddler; perhaps she felt the banana would get cold and uncomfortable if peeled. Nonetheless, toddlerhood is the designated time to learn about these things.

Re: Random Internet Misc

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, you shouldn't get mad at them for having a typical toddler reaction but that doesn't mean you agree with them either!

Re: Random Internet Misc

[(Anonymous)]

Ayrt

And like I know parents try to hide feelings from kids a bit sometimes but this feels like a messed up extreme. I'm trying to imagine how it would feel to have a parent suddenly go distant and fake-calm like that just at the point where you're learning that you yourself get angry. Kids are resilient but I still think it would mess with you.

Re: Random Internet Misc

[(Anonymous)]

It teaches you that home is not a place for emotional honesty.

But if someone is taking parenting advice from tik tok, I assume something farther up the line has gone wrong for them, honestly.

Re: Random Internet Misc

[(Anonymous)]

This is true and I laughed at that.

Re: Random Internet Misc

[(Anonymous)]

The parent is modelling not taking their emotions out on others, but controlling themselves. This is a key thing for a child to learn. I don’t think I’d be agreeing with a child that the banana is peeled wrong, but I would sympathise with their feelings and go extra calm. Children find that reassuring, even if they still have to work through their anger. They would find you getting angry very scary, and it would not help them learn to manage their own feelings. I have dealt with lots of angry children, and scared children, and the adult projecting an air of unaffected super-calm no matter how they feel is nearly always the best way to go. They look to you to read the emotional temperature of the room, and they will mirror your emotions back to you.

I disagree very strongly with the idea that parents modelling how to control their own emotions in the face of a tantrum from a child will “mess” a child up, or teach them that “home is not a place for emotional honesty”. That all feels a bit Lilith from Frasier. We don’t always express the full force of our emotions, and that’s okay: you can do that, and be emotionally honest, too. Controlling your emotional reactions is a normal, healthy thing that parents teach their children to do, in large part by modelling it and describing, when appropriate, how to do so.

Re: Random Internet Misc

[(Anonymous)]

I think there's space between controlling and being fake about it. Not advocating raging around kids, obviously! But I think it's weird when it tips into pretending you never get annoyed, or feel any negative emotions. Imo part of modelling it is acknowledging it. Met people who try to project serene calm and project tension instead, because they're having to work so hard at it. May be my associations; I picture a teacher who alternated between attempting to meditate serenely and screaming at everyone, and a couple who refused to play along with the easter bunny because "we don't lie to our children". Do agree that calm is usually best.

Re: Random Internet Misc

[(Anonymous)]

The quoted part included saying that “I would be annoyed, too”, basically, so clearly this isn’t pretending never to have negative emotions. Learning to project actual calm is tricky, but even tense, fake calm is going to be less scary for a small child than getting angry with them.